Somehow, lately, like, a lot...I feel that one thing after another is smashing into me. I keep getting one after another diagnoses. Two more have joined the parade, though at least they won't affect my eyesight like iritis :"could". And they are not majorly important, just annoying.
I just feel beat up. I hurt worse because the new pharmacy had messed up on Humira, so I basically get to start over. I finally hit 6 months, which means getting towards the peak (possibly) of the medication, seeing how it really would work for me. And with the burst of unhelpfulness from about three sides, I was off of Humira for a month. That means start over time. 3 months is the "usually begins to see some result" according to the manufactuer, though "some may see results as early as 6 weeks." Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Humira. Humira's company Abbvie is paying more than 3,000 a month for two months so I can get my medications. (Then I hit my deductible!). Abbvie sent me a ton of free stuff, calendars, pain diaries, my own nurse. I love Humira. I hate that it goes away so fast, and that in that one month, I went nearly back to base camp. I feel awful most days, exhausted, can't sleep and can't wake up. Can't hardly manage to get anywhere. My pain is up, I limp all over the place. Clothes are KILLING me. Everything feels like having a sunburn and rubbing wool against it. My ribs hurt to breathe with.
So much for trying. I had tried to get the ball rolling for prior auths 2 weeks before my new ins. took effect. Somehow that didn't happen.
Anyway...I just really feel miserable. It's so much harder to do what I had been doing. I am not even gardening beyond a bit of watering, and I had been digging great big holes and pulling weeds with roots half way to the earth's core. Now I can't even imagine trying---makes me ache and get nauseous to just think about it.
It's really hard to be a young person who is sick. Everyone who is your age, in general, is not sick. They can usually do what they want to, work where they want to, see who they want to when they want to. I am so incredibly jealous at times that I sob over Facebook posts of someone running a marathon, or taking their kids all to a park together, or seeing a movie. Anything can cause my heart to wither away and "die" because I so desperately want to do what everyone else does.
Anytime you see me, (and of course some of my readers never do, eh Russia? :) is probably the result of great effort. Yes, there are days I feel absolutely AMAZING. But most days you see me is an incredible amount of effort.
I guess I just want those who are healthy, whatever their age, to be grateful that they have it. I never thought about my health as a "healthy" person much. It was just there. I expected to be "sick" as a "old" person---even though, especially as a nurse, I know young people have poor health too. Just look to your health whatever it might be, and be thankful that you have it.
A wise older person pointed out to me something that has stunned me since. I had shared a video of a blind man and his guidedog walking about town, supposedly being unhelped by passersby. While I didn't really think that the man was being all that ignored, I have known that to happen, so shared it by an awareness thing. This older person said: "He should be grateful he can walk."
She cannot walk well, is mainly in a wheelchair. The statement is profound. Indeed, he should, and probably isn't. I generally do no think about the fact I can walk or not.
I should be grateful that I can still walk, I can type, draw, do a great many things. I should be grateful for the mental abilities I have, the assistance I have from family and friends. I should be grateful for my sight, voice, hearing, the list goes on and on.
So be grateful for what one is given, the abilities one does have. And always check your specialty drugs' prior auths very carefully.
No comments:
Post a Comment