3 Years Ill experience

As I near 3 years of this battle, or at least with a name to it, since I can see the thin fingers of RA since childhood, there comes over me a great sense of mourning. I really rather hate that RA hit so close to my own wedding anniversary, because it rather spoils it. 
I have learned much these three years. I have learned who my deepest and safest friends are---some I did not know I had and so I am doubly touched by their devotion. I have made new friends across the globe who will "cry" online with me when I hurt the most or feel like if I open my mouth I would be sick.
I have learned much about God. The smallest portion of a hidden ice burg, I am certain. If God created all that is about me---the swallows that swoop overhead in my garden, the horrid slugs that devour all my plants and if they would just eat spoiled foliage I would not feel so annoyed, the beauty and glory of a night sky flashing with a meteor shower--then indeed I cannot begin to dig into the depths of Him. What I have learned though! Even in the moments when I am in the shallow grave of depression, viewing the world as all black, I know that He is there if I will simply turn my thoughts away from the darkness that is this world. 
I still do not understand the point of my suffering. The sorrows I had as a teenager eventually made sense and were useful toward other people, but this, where it is a hidden disease and often not believed by those who have not seen the deep purple shadows under the eyes, the red-hot swollen fingers and feet, nor the white face of sickness, this makes a "point" harder. Yes, I can see that this illness has been helpful to me because I know God more. But because so many other things are now 20x to 100x harder than they were, I do not see how that helps me or anyone else. And yet:

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.
⁵ Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
⁶ On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone—
⁷ while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels^[a] shouted for joy? Job 38 NIV BibleGateway

I used to find this section upsetting...that asking why of God was forbidden. I think the line is when we change from asking God "why do I have to be sick" to "if I'm sick, you're no god." (Boy, that last one makes me shudder just to write it.) I think God understands that when we ask why we are ill, why our job failed, why our child is ill, why, why, why, He accepts it as we accept when a child asks why they have to have a vaccination, or a dentist appointment, or learn to read. The child does not like this prospect, may be terrified, or it may even be a long term affliction. A parent may or may not have an answer---but a good parent is willing to hear this mournful cry, and know it comes from fear. 
We ask the questions about our life, "why did x happen", "why does x happen" from fear and misunderstanding. So long as we are willing to still remember God, and do what He lays before us, I do not think that our asking that of God is sinful. He is our loving Father, and understands the crying of hurt children---

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 Jn 4.18 NIV BibleHub

"14For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^f And by Him we cry, “Abba,^g Father.” 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory." Rm 8 

If there remains doubt that God can understand us in our human weakness, in our "darkest" hours of each trial, consider His own time--His prayer in the Garden. BibleGateway--Prayer in Gethsemane(Matthew), and also Luke 22 ESV BibleGateway . Yet consider, too, that we are speaking of He who created us, the God who knows the very number of the hair on each head of every human who ever was conceived. He knows and understands our trials, better than we understand them ourselves. 
We share in sufferings with our King, as such we bring Him glory, but too are we brought glory as Romans 8 points out--a reason, a purpose for suffering. Christ, being fully God and man, knew the reasons for His suffering, and having a purpose makes suffering "easier". Perhaps some suffering, such as RA for me, seems to have no reason at all. Yet the God who created us, knew and allowed us to ruin the perfect creation, knew and prepared a perfect salvation, must also know and use every wrong note that a broken creation propels at us. Like the producer of a film, He knows how everything turns out, yet it is up to the actors to get to that point, responding as they will with each new scene. 
We have received some of that glory in the sense that the Kingdom of God is indeed at hand, for the Kingdom of God lies in our hearts. The Spirit filled soul is one nail of the last nails ending the battle against the fallen world, and as such we show the glory of God over the "stronghold" of Death, over the lies of the Fallen One. We show how His power is greater than any other "god", that His will did prevail, is prevailing, and shall prevail. 
Regardless of what struggle you walk on, remember to grasp firmly after God, especially when it seems that the ground is slipping out from under you. So often my fears and illness get the better of me, and I forget to call after God, knowing that He will answer me---that if "nothing" else, I will feel His Spirit close to me, and that worth is beyond all that money could buy. Reach for God, find something that helps remind you to look toward God. Joni Earckson Tada's book "Joni" is that for me, as well as Anne Frank's Diary (though she did not believe in Christ (?)). Every day things can remind us of God; were not the psalmists and the apostles right in saying that creation shouted out God's existence that man might have no excuse? Whatever it is that is pure which might help you to remember and focus on God, to go back to His Word when you have tripped in the blindness of suffering, use it!