Overall I have been a lot better. And, of course, I don't trust it at all.
I have been less tired; normally I am up and awake at least 8 hours, maybe even more. I used to barely manage to stay awake 4 hours. The rest of the time was sleep.
I had a bad week week before last. Oh my goodness. The nausea was terrible!
Part of the issue, I think, is that my muscles are so atrophied and weak. I have noticed that I get really tense muscles by the end of the day---which then has been triggering migraines.
Then, because I still HAD super tight muscles, the migraine just got worse rather than easing off with medication, darkness, etc.
I don't know. I just don't know if this med is helping, or if I am just having a fluke of good health for this week. I am so tired of being ill, so tired of seeing the world through illness-tinted glasses. It makes conversation difficult, because I see everything in the lens of how much energy I might be spending, how far away it is to go lay down if I feel sick.
It's the sick that gets me. The pain is bad if its bad...but somehow if one can do something it is easier to ignore. The sick is what is awful.
Hopefully the medication (humira) really is helping, will boost me up as I near the 6 months time it is supposed to increase it's effectiveness. It's just terrifying in a way if I consider being so ill again. The loneliness that can happen, the feeling so terrible. I sure understand cancer victims now, and the fear they can feel.
I just have to rely on God, know that whatever happens He is in control, and never leaves me alone for a millisecond. Everything is in His hands, and His peace, love and strength is always enveloping me. That I can always rest in His loving arms
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