Met Every Expectation, Where's the Prize and Half-Hearted Forgiveness

We all feel at some point in our lives that if we met everything we are supposed to do here on earth---the ideal husband/wife, ideal student/employee, ideal this, ideal that, ideal Christian---we would then be free from all pain and suffering. If we are free from pain and suffering, we must be doing the right thing. This is not necessarily so....
Oswald Chambers points out, as I often have, that we shunned God to pick to be our own "gods"; then the universe came crashing down. In all actuality, we were the "gods" there in the garden---gods in the sense of management. We were to control everything in that garden...assuming we could follow one, and only one, rule.

I often laugh as I describe in various examples how we gave up the Garden, our birthright:  For a fruit in the Garden....It reminds me of two stories. One, in the Bible, of Esau and Jacob...Esau was willing to forfeit his firstborn rights for a bowl of soup. Two, how in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Edmund was perfectly willing to tell anything and everything to the White Witch for "sweeties".
We were, are and ever will be greedy creatures. Whether our prize is the knowledge of good and evil, food, or whatever else stands out as a prize, we want it. 

To restate, we mustn't stop trying----for those things in the opening paragraph are honorable things. There just needs to be a different slant. We should do those things not in hopes of a prize of an easy life, but to honor God. Be an ideal husband/wife to honor God, be an ideal student/employee to honor God, be close to God that you might honor Him with love.  Be an ideal disabled person (whether medically or from the struggle of being brave when shy, talkative when depressed) who does the utmost able at that very moment to honor God.  God knows when we have done our very most and why. I imagine that those actions please God.
Jesus Himself honored God in all He did---and it pleased God. Yet, to pay for our centuries of continued "god-self" choices, He faced something we will never face, something far more horrible than we can even begin to imagine.
He was hung to a cross; a terrible death by all accounts. What He faced which we will never face....was total abandonment by God.

Our trials are indeed wretched. God, however, does not leave us alone to face them.
He may seem far away at times, but I have found that that is because there is some sin festering we won't treat. Remove your sin! It is foolishness to cuddle a thistle plant as a child would a favorite toy! Let it go---for holding onto hurts, revengeful thoughts, anger or whatever you hold is so poisonous. I honestly believe that holding those poisonous, sinful feelings are bad for health--although I do not currently have a study in hand.
 I cannot say that I can imagine the hurt and hate someone who has been raped would feel, or how a parent may be angered that their child had some illness, or how a child feels about parental divorce...but I can remember my own hurts, and how long they clung to me.
My friends, forgive that person, persons, company, or stranger who did something, however terrible it may have been or how wrong that other person really was......stop doing whatever sin it may be that is making your spirit twist and crawl as you read this: forgive and stop/ask forgiveness every single time that sin pops up until your heart no longer brings up old (or newer) pain.
We cannot hold onto hurts that have "done us wrong", as we are then in more wrong that the original story the longer we hold them.

I can say that, with so much time in the beginning of my RA, when I was so very sick...I spent a lot of time forgiving people. These were hurts I had forgiven before, and some at least a couple of times. It was when I thought about them, stuck on that bed or couch 24/7, that I realized I was not solid enough in my forgiveness. My forgiveness was half-hearted---a forgiveness that allowed me to see the people who had hurt me, but not enough that the original event did not replay the rest of that day. When we forgive, we have to really mean it, and really be able to pray to God and tell HIM that we mean it. One can't really pray a half-hearted "I forgive So-and-So for stepping on my shoe" to God. You will begin to feel ashamed of yourself, as the Spirit corrects you in your wrongdoing.

So, then, reader, while we may not be free from suffering here on earth (blessed are those who are!), we are instead blessed with facing battles not alone. God is with us, never leaving us on our own crosses to bear the pain and agony alone. I cannot explain why we face things, short of the curse...but we will have our escape to Paradise. In the meantime, I cannot express my gratitude that I can call on God, day or night (often night), and He is right there, ready to comfort, teach, and direct.
Peace be upon you all.

Considering His Glory

A favorite thing in my life has been to stand and look about me. Considering the handiwork of God all around me.
I have loved since childhood stargazing...looking into the heavens and the wonder that is there. Once I entered college and went through various science classes (and not a Christian-minded college), I was further amazed at His work.
On Pinterest I save photographs of microscope views...the wonder the God made in the smallest of views. 
Sin destroyed the Garden---when I took anatomy and physiology in preparation for nursing school, I could see how, if nothing went wrong, we would have lived forever. Nothing should go wrong as cells grow and divide, fight off infections or what-have-you. It is a perfect system...a system we threw a stick of dynamite into.

The wonder of God's hands is incredible. It leaves me speechless...one way to "Be still, and know that I am God" is to consider creation about you. At least it feels that way for me.

RA Post: Possible Victory.....???

So, with the addition of methotrexate (an antimetabolite, or "chemo" medication), I think that possibly, with great hesitation, that I may be doing better.
I had a huge victory yesterday. I drove about five miles away to see a friend, visited for two hours and drove home.
I have not done that in over a year.

I talk about facing and fighting fears...as that has been my pet monster all these years. After being so sick for so long, and so used to going from fine to wanting to melt onto the floor with nausea, has made me have an old enemy raise his ugly head.
Agoraphobia. Fear of leaving the house and being in large open areas---generally with people. This one has a different slant, since I am afraid of becoming super sick and not being able to drive, or just being sick in a place that is not home, not my "safe" spot.

My trip to my dear friend's was a wonderful victory--even if I flare next week for some random reason. Any victory over this disease, over the pet monster, is one I celebrate loudly.

There is a song I love because, while not all of it fits my situation, it is a good victory song for many battles fought----no matter how small the victory was. God is with you, He is with me. Hold tightly to Him and take that very scary first step. I imagine that heaven rejoices those victories. After all, they are against the prince of this world.

Independence Day----Martina Mcbride

Words

I love words. I love painting a picture for the mind to expand...making art by the spin of words I pick to write down. I have loved words since age six.
Words. I was thinking about how powerful words are, and how one wrong word can destroy a person, or one right one can lift them up. 

Not surprising, then, really, that the Word is so important. Here is a collection of Words inspired by God to shape and change us into better beings--- to show us Christ. Here is a collection of Words that have changed the world.
People often like to say that the Bible is...judgemental I guess would be the word. The fact that there are commands to not do things seems to irritate us, regardless of what it is. 
When we read the Word, the Spirit brings things to light for us. Things pop out of the Bible indeed as a double edged sword, stabbing and slicing at us with guilt. We read in the New Testament many things that we decided to do, and then get angry at our guilt. As if it is God's fault that we picked sin and now feel the shame of holding the Word in our hearts. What foolishness. 
We know what sin we have, be it fear, lust, gambling, gossiping, or bad cooking. (Sorry, I don't actually think that last one is a sin. Unless I have to eat it. Ha!) We just refuse to let go, ask forgiveness and actually ask God for help stopping. 
We prefer to do step one and two and forget step three. Oops! I put salt instead of sugar in all those cookies. Oh well. Ask forgiveness. Put salt in the cookies next batch. 
It is still sinning. And I would say from my own experience and others', we know when we ask forgiveness that we aren't going to try and stop our sins. 
We must own up to our sins, for that is why the Word points them out to us. 
God is so amazingly good to us. Far beyond what we deserve. He holds us so dearly...dearly enough to abandon His Son on the cross. That is pretty deep love. 
Let us listen fully to the Word and when the Word cuts us, let us respond fully to repentance. 
Words do, after all, lift one up. 

The World is the Worst it Could be

Oswald Chambers, in "Baffled to Fight Better", alludes to the fact that the world is the worst it could be. 

I pondered that throughout the night and this AM, considering. I suppose that I agree. If the world was worse, God would not have a presence here at all, those many near-misses we experience would happen, and we would be, in all actuality, in Hell.
God's presence, however horrible our experiences may be, allow that we have a refuge, a comforter. Without His presence, Hell would be all about us. We would have no safety, no comfort. Desolation.

I consider the battles I have fought, the times I have called upon God, and think of how absolutely wretched it would be to NOT have the option to call Him. 
When I was first going to college, my anxiety was terrible. I was the person who left classes suddenly for no reason because my terror at being around people was so strong I could not take it anymore. 

Those challenges were met with the strength of God. I cannot even tell you the number of times I asked God to give me the strength to make it to school, to give me the strength to serve Him----and the number of times I received from His Holy and Wondrous Self the strength and power to do so.  That time in my life was a time of Hell, and one of the strongest fights I have had to fight.

And years later, looking back at that battle that raged for years, I feel blessed. The world was a dark and horrible place then, and often is now....yet I was not alone in my fight. God was there, keeping the world from being a place of actual Hell.  He gave light in the darkness of my life, creating a path to walk. He was willing, with the whisper of a prayer, to envelope me with His love and give me His strength to fight on---to kill the monster tormenting me. Yes, anxiety is still an issue, but has never been that strong again. The monster is beat to the point of being an irritation at most times, never the Goliath I was losing to then.

I am blessed to have faced that time. I can be, and was, a comfort to many who were afraid. I am open enough about this time that I have had people contact me for help, and I consider that my hard-fought battle was worth it to be able to share the grace God gave me. Oswald Chambers says to share what God has done for you so others may know that He does things for people...and I think that is good advice.
Every person's battle is different, but God is certainly strong enough to be there for every person's battle. He is the Perfect Father, and will not abandon His children when they cry out. A battle may last--such as an illness---but He will not leave us alone while we fight the good fight.

Boundless Joy

Diamonds in the Dust   J.E. Tada

We must abide in Him and let His Word abide in us if we are to know Christ in a deep and intimate way. Deep devotion to the Lord Jesus energizes service that is not tiring or rigorous. Affection for Him that is warm and heartfelt gives boundless joy to every task.

Ps 27.4-5

Today I was considering "fear", and Joni's words above fit in a way...when God is the center of our lives, and His Word circulates throughout our minds, we lose fear. Fear is not from God, and fear devastates the entirety of the human mind, soul and body if allowed to belong and become a god for even a moment. 
I am afraid of so many things it would take a book to describe and explain each fear. The one circulating mainly now is that I am doing somewhat better. Now, a chronically ill person lives for days of which the disease is less, and lives in fear that those days are short or non-existent. I can (am) be afraid because is this current lull in my sickness permanent? Will it increase? Will it vanish in a couple of hours as it has other times? I can allow myself to get caught into a never ceasing circle of near-hell by thinking these thoughts. 
Why not think, with such great and wondrous joy, like the Psalm I shared? To think only the Lord, His beauty, the great Kingdom that is His? The fact that He will, with a word from me, banish evil from poisoning my thoughts, cover me safely in His arms. 
When our thoughts are fully inundated with God's presence, the trials we face nearly vanish. Yes, I am sick, sometimes very sick. I see others on my support groups facing even worse illnesses, or even better illnesses. I see and hear friends facing such hard things. Yet I know, from being so very sick at the beginning of this long year, that being focused on God, calling upon Him at all hours, will yield great relief. 
We may have to face the consequences of Sin's evil touch...the way emotions wreck bodies and health, the way genetics and their disasters from past sins ruin lives...but we never have to face it alone. God is always half a thought away. He hears our cries, and comforts us. He knows how hard this world is...I am still devastated that Jesus wept. If our God would cry on this earth, He knows. He will not leave us alone to battle our battles. Jesus was forsaken by God for our sins; we will not be forsaken. Cry out to Him, lean on Him. Oh, the power of His great love.

In This World

Diamonds in the Dust.   J.E. Tada

There are people around you for whom misery is a way of life. The world has enough misery of its own without Christians adding to it. We are to be in this world, not of it. 

Oh, sinful creatures. One can always reflect on things one said or did and cringe, realizing that it was not helpful, spreading the Word (ha! most assuredly not), nor the least bit encouraging. One can as easily reflect on things done and said to one's self that also were not helpful, filled with the Word, nor encouraging.
Ours is a world of destruction. Both physical and emotional. 
I enjoy classic films (1920s-1950s), and books of classic or "older" publications (also similar era as the films)...and the standard plot is of people being ruthless with one another. It is the height of fashion to destroy someone, considered amusing. I admit that I laugh at such antics. It is proof that generation after generation takes delight in the misery of others.
I enjoy banter, teasing others...yet there is such great risk in this, as the banter and teasing can become real, or too close to a hard subject. Really...while I am hardly a great one at avoiding a good "funny", it would be best to not banter and tease thusly.

I cannot say that I think that God considers such things honorable. I have yet to find a verse in the Word condoning tormenting someone with even teasing.
How then do we be in the world, yet not of it? 
I think for certain that our best chance to not be a misery-monger, nor be arrogantly superior in the fact we are a "Christian", is to further develop our relationship with God. The deeper we know Him, the more we are unnaturally distant to the world. The more we squirm at the actions of ourselves when faced with an opportunity to torment. 
Laughter is a good thing, I am sure...it is a full, open outpouring of joy. Yet consider this: there is a difference in a girl laughing at the boy who slipped a ring on her ring finger with the fullness of joy in love...and the laughter at the way someone's sentence turned out. Laughter is a good thing---but let us be most certainly careful in what we say, do, and think, that we may be spared from spreading more misery, and, worst of all, shaming God with our actions.