Very Sick

 I am very sick. 

I've spent I don't know how many days in bed. I went to the ER so sick that I couldn't walk more than five feet without gasping for air and collapsing on a chair or a bed. I collapsed at home once or twice onto the floor, which was awful because I was alone and had to try to get up. 

I was very close to septic. They said I could stay in the hospital or go home. Looking back, I should have stayed in the hospital. 

I went back a second time for continued fever and this terrible headache. 

They said keep on keeping on. Oh, and go see your new PCP as soon as you can. Guess what? I can't see her for a month. You could die before anyone could help you. 

I feel completely alone. My man has asked after me and been so sweet, been to every ER visit. Family has done what they can do. 

No one else seems to know I exist. I know it isn't super obvious when you stop using social media, to the average person anyway. I feel like I tend to notice when someone isn't there. I've not been on social media for like a week and no one has said a word. Even those who know I am very sick haven't said anything. 

I guess you just don't matter after a while. No one even noticed anymore. You could die and they wouldn't even care. That's what I was always afraid of ...getting so sick and no one even noticing. 

Well. It happened. Septic and no one even cared. It's the same old thing, she is just whiny and pathetic and should try harder. I can't get out of bed because I am so sick but I don't matter. 

No wonder people die and are found months later. I need different people in my life apparently. I don't even intend to tell anyone what is going on anymore. No one cares, no one wants to hear it. Just shut up.