My patients don't believe me

My patients don't believe me when I say I understand. 

I know what it is like to see the same four walls day and night.

To watch the spider on the wall mend web with strength and might.

To watch the hours and minutes fall away with each sigh

Wondering how nausea, anxiety and pain could ever be this high

I know what it is like to have visitors come and go, come and go

The heartbreaking lack of invites; you'd not go anyway you know. 

The drop in weight, people encouraging you to drink and eat

Here, my friend, your very favorite treat

I know what it is like to watch life drip away

And the secret wish to sleep and never wake today

I know that the world shrinks down to symptoms alone

And how you never get any treatment for that ache in bone. 

How people mock you for backing out on dreams and plans 

While you clutch a nausea bag and listen to electric fans

I know what it is like to watch the clock. One more hour to go

Then more pills I can pop, and make symptoms to and fro. 

I know what it is like to wait on hold for hours

Staring at a calendar decorated with appointments and wildflowers. 

I know what it's like to have lost all hope, to scream when alone

Because at the end of it all, the disease waits sitting on his throne. 

He laughs his sickening laugh and mocking sneer

He knows the depths of humanity's disease ridden fear. 

I tell my patients I understand their prison in full breadth

For I have been there and back and also seen death

Every illness or flare rocks me to my very core

I beg God to not let me fall down to that well's floor

Let me walk, work, breath, I beg with tears down my face

I can't face that sentence again, please have grace 

My patients don't believe me when I say I understand.