I met my new rheumatologist on Thursday. She seems very nice. Very thorough. Competent. The nice is surprising. Moat specialista i have had to meet were very...stuck up, I guess you'd say. They probably often have to be. They are dealing with sicker people, worse comditions than a PCP. They have to make choices that are probably harder than those of a PCP.
Perhaps not. Either way, it was nice to have a friendly doctor.
She wants me to start Remicade. Up to this point, I have had bigger guns than starting point DMARDs, I have been doing injections for some time. This one is an infusion. I will go at something like week zero,four and then every eight weeks--- assuming I am not facing a cold or what have you.
I am a bit overwhelmed at the change in tactics. I am pleased she is so concerned with my eyesight, and the very real threat my autoimmune diseases are threatening the sight organs. It has been very stressful to have my eye doctor basically be the one who is distressed at my condition, and no one else caring. Everytime I went to a super eye doctor, my eyes would be calm. Therefore,I had no eye condition. It would be rather like telling a stable type one diabetic that she was cured because when the specialist saw her, her sugar counts were dead normal. Just stop taking that nasty insulin. Its bad for you to take it when you don't need it. Yeah, right,that's a stupid idea.
Anyway, I am still floored by that. Disappointed too, because I had missed somehow that methotrexate was a requirement for taking this infuaion drug. I had thought that remicade could be taken and have children. Not with mtx. So I'd have to hope it worked wonders, and lasted as I stopped for at least three months and then managed to have a kid. So that is worrisome.
At the moment it wouldn't matter anyway, because I am too tireed, in too much discomfort and too ill to take care of kids all the time. Even older kids are very tiring.
Maybe it will be my wonder drug. Someone's kid has taken remicade for fifteen years,and has been doing very well. That's always hopeful. None of thw other medications have ever helped.
It would be such a dream come true if it worked. I could do housework without feeling like an elephant wading in cement. I could do weightlifting without being punished for it. I could ride a bike, walk, drive a car without knowing it could make me very ill. I could work again, I could remind people I am still alive. I would be alive. It would be somewhat like coming back to life.
I don't really remember what it is like to be able to do stuff. It has been so long since i acted like a very tired normal person. I can't believe I ever drove thee hours myself for work. I can't believe I worked. Went to college. It is as if there is only now, the dead drudgery I see before me. Nothing else exists for people like me.
So hopefully remicade works and is worth the effort.
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