Jingle bells, jingle bells, s'more bills, meds don't help a bit, oh what fun it is to fund the local insurance.
This year's insurance choice was a doozy. Basically I have no coverage until I meet my max out of pocket of $6600. No generic med coverage, no doctor visit either PCP (GP)or speecialist. No ER, no Hospitalization, no labs, no imaging. Nothing. Once I hit the magic fee, though, full coverage.
I hate every new year. I hate hate hate not working. I had hoped I could either write often and well enough on this blpg, which mainly gets spammers from other countries directed here by porno site. Apparently its a great way to make the porno sites look like they have more whatever than they really do. Oh well. Or I hoped I could write books well enough to earn money. At least to pay my medical and save a little. I hate sitting in a recliner, listening to tv shows, since I really can't see what's on the screen very well. Tey dimming your brightness and contrast all the way. Out on the blackest sunglasses you have. Do ya see much?
But that doesn't seem to be in the plans. I really don't understand what I am doing here. I've always wanted tp be able to help lots of different people, in whatever small manner i might. A word of comfort and encouragement. My nursing hit that on the nail. I saw people on their darkest days. And I like to think I might have helped them in some small way. I feel like here, stuck in a chair or a bed, that I am not much help. Its so hard to see people, visit them. I don't have much to add to a conversation anymore. I feel like a lone inflatable liferaft. With knife holes stabbed all over it.
I want to do more than what I have been doing. I try every little bit to push beyond what o normally do, aitting in a recliner all day, but often I still remain sitting. Its so tiring ro do more. Even riding to town some 35 miles away means not driving, and sitting in the vehicle while whoever ahops in a store. Walking is often too painful to do. It has to be the right store. It has to be the right day.
Someone asked a good question today, is everyone with RA this bad? The answer is easy. No. Sometimes people only have a few joints involved, or for whatever reason they just don't feel as awful. Physiologically, it doesn't bother them. Someone I know has awfully swollen hands, but no other issues to speak of. I guess one could say its like broken bones. Somekne with a simple broken bone, one bone,in the forearm, is not going ro be, in general, in as much pain and need as much healing time as someone who has broken 20 bones and severely. Even then, the simple break can be bad, and limit the person horribly, depending on the case.
I want to be well. Maybe if I could get my temperature to stay more normal. As I've said, I get a slight fever every day. The hotter I am, the worse I feel. Getting my clothes wet with ice cold water, sucking ice chips, running air conditioning in winter can help with the fever. Drops it so o don't feel so awful. 97.1 really is best, temperature wise. There doesn't seem to be an answer. Anyway, reader, the insurance costs rest heavy on my heart. But at least I actually get care. I hear the horror stories of people lying in wait for care in the socialist medical care places. My doctors have all heard and seen those stories. We are going to kill our own people. In Canada...you wait until magically you get specialist care. England, patients can wait, by NHS rules, 18 weeks max for care by a specialist. Even here, three months is rare, generally meaning a less severe case, and a month is more likely. 18 weeks to see someone about my sort of the ye condition is incredible. I can't imagine waiting so long. I assume they don't really...but then I have heard my UK friends say they have waited for hours to talk to their pcp's office....to make an appointment. I've never waited that long. Ever.
Something to consider, reader.
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