I have been having a really hard time lately. The addition of iritis some six months ago has made things seem dark and gloomy in my heart. See what iritis is all about here
I am never a very optimistic person about myself, whereas I am usually optimistic about everyone else. As it is, I am waiting for the next shoe to drop. What disease process next? What else will happen that is terrible?
This, of course, is not a good thought process to have, and is not recommended by the Bible. Christ tells us not to worry about tomorrow, yet I am an excellent worrier. I am trying to get it under control, to dwell more in God's light than my own miserable darkness.
Since the iritis is an "eye thing", that makes it worse. I hate eye things, or the idea of going blind---which is a possibility, since it has to do with my RA, and its lack of complete remission. I feel as if I am scrabbling at the edge of a ravine, trying to stay standing upright, not bowled over by the winds of ill health, depression, personal disasters and crisis. I want to slow time, to try and get a chance to stand up, but I keep being rebuffed by the swirling winds about me.
I know I am not alone in this battle, God is very near me, not leaving me to fight this battle against my body alone. But I still have been having a really hard time standing up to the storm in my heart over this battle. What I would give to wake up and find this whole time had been a nightmare. That at least the eye problem would go away, settle down, and be a forgotten memory.
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