Just Do It!

 I wish people were more aware of what living with chronic illness and pain was really like. I face so many eyes that tell me the owner thinks I'm a liar. Lazy. Useless. Malingering. I've been told the (Is it nike or addidas) "Just do it!" 

I would love to. And, believe it or not, I do try to "just do it!" Every time someone sees me outside of the house is a day that I am just doing it. I am fighting a harsher battle than any other to date.

I am so tired all the time. I code every day of my calendar with a series of letters. TSNGNp. Any of these letters with a circle means very if the following: tired, sick, nausea, garden (meaning I walked out and looked at it, did not work in it.), Naps. TSNNp is on nearly every day. 

Imagine the exhaustion you felt with the last bad cold you had. That's right, the cold that let you watch tv for a few hours before you fell asleep. Or the day you thought you could go to work and discovered it was a major mistake because you fall asleep in your car. 

Now imagine that you have either broken bones that aren't yet set in a cast so there is shooting deep pain everywhere. And some sprains scattered about. Add in some nausea that comes and goes in waves bad enough you have a basin nearby. 

And your skin feels sunburned and raw so your clothes hurt. 

That is it. 

But I should just do it. 

I wish everyone understood. I wish I could host all doubters for a month so they could see it. 

I wish I didn't feel so alone and forgotten. People complain about being in lockdown. I've been in lockdown for years. Imagine that.