Are we willing to accept whatever happens in life? We would all say yes, though the truth is often far from it. People either hold onto God deeper when hardships come along, or they fling themselves away from Him, saying He is not trustworthy. He allowed my illness. He allowed the death of my spouse. He allowed my child's illness. He allowed that earthquake.
It is an odd contrast then, how we will make excuses for the human loves in our lives. He is on drugs. She is in a bad spot.
We do not often sit quietly as our world crumples about us and think that, whatever happens, God truly loves us. Mourns when we mourn, even if what happens is good in the long run.
Even with as frustrated as I can be in the limitations of my body, the hours I am allowed to do something before my body begins to object mightily at the strain, I do not blame God.
I got one wish I began to wish for. And while I am nowhere near, I've done more study in the last two and a half years than ever in my life.
He is so near to my heart that prayer is an incredible experience...so much deeper in communion with the Spirit than ever.
Do not think I am bragging. There is always this haunting, taunting voice in the background. I do not even know if such would work, but I refuse. This voice, singsonging in the background, constantly at my weakest points that all I have to do to "live" a human life as the culture demands is refuse God. Say I refuse that deep, wonderful, all encompassing joy I know when I speak to Him, when most I need my Father. The idea is revolting---even as tempting as it is to be a full time nurse, housewife, mother.
People watch us. The Spiritual world watches us. What we decide matters, not just for our own souls, but for those of others. When we hang on, reach for and cling to His hand, He doesn't just absentmindedly pat our heads. No. He scoops us up, holds us dear. When we doubt, ask for an answer. Did not Thomas doubt and ask for proof---and honestly get more proof than he wanted?
God is so willing to help us in our faith. It seems to us that we have to do all the work, but from all I have experienced, that is just not true. He will help in more ways than I can even think of, certainly more ways than I have had to ask for.
Never alone, never forgotten. Always loved beyond all reason we understand as humans in a broken world. I can never understand why I am in this place of limitation...but when we are put in hard places, we must say "I will do what you lay before me". And that is the hardest, most wonderful thing to ever say. And how He will wrap us in His love, and possibly whisper the plans He has for us in each sorrow we have, the plans in the good times and the hard times. For what good and perfect Father would ever leave His happy child to celebrate alone? And what good and perfect Father would leave His child weeping in the corner? No, we are indeed loved, comforted...and given great whispers of the plans He has for us, and of the good place we will live.
Come soon, O Lord.
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